MOM, I MISS YOU :(

Hello All, Today’s topic will be different; I am going to commemorate my mom and this subject will be dedicated for her memory.

Well, you might all ask why I have always mentioned my step mom in my posts instead of mentioning my mom!

I have no mother, my mom is not living in this world, and she is with angels now.

The story started in July 1994, the story of her illness. We were traveling to Baghdad to attend my cousin’s wedding at that time when my mom felt some thing hard in her armpit.

The moment we reached Baghdad dad took her to a doctor to check and find out what that strange body might be! Well after doing some medical analyses, it was clear that mom had a knob. In her armpit and she has to do a surgery to get rid of it. We returned back to our home, the next day dad reserved a room in the hospital. My mom submitted to the operation and the knob was rooted up successfully (as doctors said)…

After two weeks my mom felt her breast and there was a bigger knot in there!!! OK, what about the surgery that she went through?? But this time after the medical analysis, she was told that the knob is a malignant tumor and they need to go through the mammectomy. When my mom heard that one of hear breasts will be resected, she felt sorrow and so frustrated. That news was like the sledge hammer on our heads, how come they will do that? Why is that? And all that happen during the embargo, the hospitals couldn’t be able to import any type of medicines not even the chemical injections that my mom was going to get… We couldn’t send her to Jordan to get therapy there for special reasons…

So we kept seeking for those chemical injections and we found the source but it was in Jordan, after negotiating with some GMC drivers that are driving passengers back and forth to Jordan, one of them agreed to bring the medicine from there of course not for free… 6 injections: $800/ 1 injection. My dad’s salary wasn’t good enough to cover it, but we wanted to do more we wanted her to get good treatment and the hell with money, money comes and goes but my mom, no…if she goes she won’t be back again!!!

After three months of therapy and after the damn analyses, they found that the knobs are in every where in her breast, so each three months she was going through resecting operation. In 1996 she was told to go to Baghdad or Mosul to get the chemical therapy, which is the nastiest therapy I have ever noticed… My dad started taking her each month to Baghdad to the radiology hospital there. Ahh, I can not express how bad it was, she lost all her and oh God…I am running out of words and don’t know I will continue this post because I remember her struggles, she was strong and she persisted with every single thing in life, she was a good believer, she never lost her faith in God, and she was encouraging us. So the chemical therapy lasted for one year and it became worthless because the cancer spread all over her body, lever, kindness and even her brain. She turned to a skinny person; even her wedding ring was falling from her finger…

She suffered so badly in the last month, a strange thing happened to her. One of her arms enclosured the water and kept growing in size but the other arm was slendering day by day.

Doctors lost all hope and asked dad to get her back home and treat her gently because this is the last month for her. My dad’s manners collapsed when he knew that he is going to lose his life partner, his loyal wife, and his woman that he loved the most and spent his life with, the woman that he fought every one in his family just to marry her. I was in the last grade of high school at that time, and my mom and every one were sure that I will go to medicine school, but how I can study while my mom was wrestling the cancer!! HELL NO!

The last week on October 1997 all of our relatives came to visit her and see her because they have know the end is coming, my mom was in coma, she was breathing only, no talk no eye blinking no eating.

On the day of November 1st 1997, which I consider it as the black day in my life…the most fuliginous day in my life…in that morning I was washing the dishes and I heard my MOM was calling me and my sister, girls come on to mama I want to see you before I go…

I told my sister, what is she talking about??? She opened her eyes and looked at both of us as she was recovering from coma, I will never ever forget that excerpt. She said “you two take care of your selves and your dad,” then she pointed to the corner of her room and said “Oh, my mother is waiting for me, I have to go, I have to go, I love you daughters,”

Then she went back to coma, I started crying severely at that time, because I realized that was the end…my sister did the same.

At 8:15 PM her breath stopped, and her heart stopped palpitating. My mom is gone!!! Her sister started shouting and screaming, so did we. My dad threw him self on her body and couldn’t help it, he cried like babies… I can’t talk more, but I want to say that every year in this day I cry the most, I go and visit her grave taking a bouquet of flowers and put it on the top of the grave close to her picture.

Mom, you are in my heart, and always you will be. I still remember your smile and passionate with us. I miss you so much. I wanna hold you tight and showering you with kisses. Our house turned to gloomy color after you’re gone. I see you in my dreams every now and then. I know that you are in heaven now. You left us in the time that we needed you the most, but it wasn’t your choice. I’ve always dreamt of you wearing your blue dress, with pinky roses. Do you remember it? You sewed it with your nice hands…I miss your hair cut, I miss your smell, you’ve always smelled like roses. Please mom forgive me, if ever hurt you… I love you mom and will always do.